@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
