Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
