Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
