Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
