Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
