i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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