He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
