you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
