sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
