i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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