idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
