also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
