I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
