He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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