I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
