i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
