are you still at the devil's house?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
