Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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