just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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