I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
