I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
