i may or may not be watching the land before time
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Randomize
