i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
