so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
