I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
