Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have tasted many bathrooms
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
