Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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