I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
