I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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