I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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