So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize