Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
