And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
