ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize