If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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