Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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