Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
