Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
