Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
