she woke up with a sticky ear
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize