High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
