One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
