finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
