My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
