This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
