Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
