his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
