ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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