Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
