Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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