Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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