i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
