im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
