being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
