Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
