i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
