On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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