nut hugger
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
