So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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