I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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