Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
we're so committed to being not committed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
