so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
