i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
