He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
