I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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