We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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