I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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