I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
