2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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