She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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