I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
