If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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