im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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