btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize