i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
