Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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