awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
