i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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