Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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