Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
