I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
