I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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